Friday, May 10, 2013

uncertainty


We’ve been in a bit of a discouraging place the last few weeks, but a lot has been happening in that.  It’s been a series of events that have lead us to this place starting with a phone call I received from our agency last week.

In the phone call we discovered that our lawyer in Guyana may (or may not) be taking a 4 - 6 week vacation in JULY.  Normally this would not be a huge deal for us, but when we were hoping to go to court in July this is not great news.  Now we are faced with the possibility of an August or September court date.  This is also something that is, in and of itself, not that big of a deal.  We had been toying with the idea of taking the whole family down to Guyana for the summer until our court date, and we know the uncertainty of “Guyana time”.  BUT, unfortunately for us, our homestudy/government approval expires the first week of August.  We cannot take the risk of going to Guyana in June, and finding out that we need to come home and update our homestudy because our lawyer is gone on vacation in July.  So now, we need an update....and fast.  I’m back at it, doing police checks, fingerprints, physicals, references etc. etc. etc.  I can’t believe it’s been two years since we started this process.  I feel like I just did all of this paperwork!  Everything takes time.  Police checks and fingerprints are almost a month before they come back.  When you need everything in a hurry the stress starts to weigh heavy on you.  It’s also a time when you again are reminded that nothing is in our control.  I can’t control the mail, the time it takes for a particular agent to process our paperwork, I can’t control the circumstances surrounding this.  It’s humbling and it’s good to remember who is in control of it all.  It’s also much harder to put yourself out there and trust God, when there is so much at stake.  I know he’s in control of this, but I am constantly fighting my natural tendency to try and put things into my own hands.  I am an advocate when it comes to our adoption, don’t get me wrong.  I have been more bold than I have ever been when I am trying to get appointments, get things processed or moving along.  I’ve surprised myself with that, as this is not my character at all.  But, I am reminded every step of the way that this is not in my control.  As soon as we think we have it all figured out, something happens and we are back on our knees again asking for direction.  That is exactly where God wants us to be, I’m sure of it.  It’s just a bit of a roller coaster ride, that’s all.

Another thing that has been weighing on us a bit more than usual is our finances.  I don’t like to bring this up often, but it is a huge part of adoption.  Trusting that God will provide the finances when we need it has been a huge part of this process.  Derek has a great job, and we are very thankful for that.  But as I watch my husband work every day, sometimes for 36 hours straight, never being home and so physically and emotionally exhausted, I get discouraged.  He goes from the fire department right to work at his second job.  As a wife, I wish I could take his place, but realistically I don’t have the skills he has.  When he works so hard and then we have unexpected circumstances (home study updates) that costs money, it can get very discouraging.  We want very much to take our whole family with us when we go, so we don’t have to leave our kids behind for 6-8 weeks.  We want them to be a part of this, and if at all possible have them with us.  But it’s an extra $4000 just to fly them.  I believe that if we are meant to bring them with us, God will provide a way!  We are in the process of trying to sell our rental house and it’s been on the market for 3 weeks without any signs of interest.  Please pray that we will be able to sell our house quickly.  It would be a huge burden lifted!

Yesterday I received a phone call from our agency saying that they are working hard to get us a court date in June.  Now, I say this very cautiously because from our experience, in “Guyana time”, June means July, which in our case (because of the maybe vacation) would mean August.  BUT, if we got a court date in June then we have to have all of our paperwork done by the end of May.  That is 2 weeks (or so) from this date.  We also would need to have our house sold by the end of May, so we can afford to go!  Those are two things that at this moment seem impossible.

I guess the whole last few weeks have just been unsettling.  We don’t know when we are going, if we are going with our whole family or not, we don’t know if we can get our paperwork done on time.....so many unknowns!

Please pray that we won’t get discouraged.
Pray that paperwork will get done smoothly and quicker than expected.
Pray for our practitioner that she might be able to get things done quickly on this end.  Pray for our son in Guyana, that he might have people there loving him, holding him, hugging him.
Pray for Derek that he might have the strength to keep up this pace, and for me that I might be supportive and helpful to him.
Pray for our kids here that they won’t get discouraged by this wait and uncertainty.
Pray that we will cling to God and seek his will in this whole situation.
Pray that we might keep things in perspective.  Thinking especially of Tim Bosma and his family right now.  We feel overwhelmed with our situation but it's small stuff, I can't imagine how the Bosma family is feeling right now.  Please continue to pray for them and Tim's safe return!
We need your prayers, and we appreciate them so much.

5 comments:

Emily Luiting said...

You absolutely have my prayers! Our YPs has a prayer card for you all as well :)

Maria Heikoop said...

Wow. Surrender is the hardest thing, but giving it to God and desperate, on your knees prayer because there's nothing else to do produces the greatest blessing. And you're right, it's exactly where God wants us to be - and where he can do His mightiest works!

We're praying for all these things and for peace and rest.

rebecca slingerland said...

Praying, praying, praying!

rebecca slingerland said...

Praying, praying, praying!

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