Not yet....

I'm sorry for the lack of posts recently. My heart has just not been in the blogging mood. Part of me wants to spend every waking minute talking about our adoption, reading about other people's experiences, thinking about our precious baby that is so far from us. The other part of me wants to pretend that I'm not waiting for a phone call. I have to be honest, the waiting part of adoption has been the biggest struggle for me so far. Up until this point I've had some element of control over things. I've been so organized, paperwork was done as quickly as I could manage, meetings were scheduled, we were getting things done. Now we are doing nothing. There is no paperwork, phone calls or meetings that will speed this process up...it is completely out of my control. At times that is so frustrating and depressing for me. It could be tomorrow , or next week but realistically it could also be months of waiting. But other times the idea that I'm not in control is very comforting. It's not in my power, but it is in God's hands. And what more could I possibly want then to have the all knowing, all powerful Father in control? I know this, but I have found this to be a huge struggle and also a push for me to be more trusting and dependent on God. I didn't realize until now how important it is to me to be in control of my circumstances, and I am really learning to give that up and let God take over.